Teacher Student Jokes

Teacher Student Jokes is a collection of funny school jokes, academic jokes and funny stuff about silly students and teachers. Some jokes are from the mouth of kids; their innocent questions and answers brings a smile while other are about students giving silly and stupid answers.


001.
Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.


002.
A teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'


003.
Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE


004.
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Pluto and Neptune. Everyone must attend it.
Sudent: Sorry my mom wouldnt let me go so far.


005.
The teacher asked, 'Give me an example of Coincidence?'
Student replied, My mom and dad got married on the same date.




006.
Teacher: How old is your dad.
Student: He is as old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Student: Because he became a dad only after I was born.


007.
Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
Student: Bamba'lakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I dont understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.


008.
The maths teacher asked Little Billy "If you have £20 and I ask you for £10 as a
loan, how many pounds would you still have?".
"Twenty" came the reply.
"How so?" enquired the teacher.
"Just because you ask me to loan you £10, it doesn't mean I am going to".


009.
A schoolteacher sent a letter to all parents after day one of the new term which said “If you can promise that you will not believe all that your child says goes on at school, I will promise you that I won't believe all that your child says goes on at home".


010.
A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his good deed. He kissed her; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding "There, thats addition". She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying " So that will be
substraction?". They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together " That's multiplication.” Just at that moment, the young girls father arrived. He kicked him for two blocks exclaiming "That's long division".


011.
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU


012.
Teacher: Which is your native place?
Rahul: Maharashtra m'aam.
Teacher: Can you spell it?
Rahul: Actually my native place is goa.


013.
sir : if any dought ask me
student : sir, in question paper question is there but in answer paper no answer is there


014.
Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?
Student: 5
Teacher: How?
Student: I have a dog in my house now.


015.
Teacher: Suppose, you have 2$. You asked your mother for one more. How many would you have then?
Student: 2$
Teacher: Why?
Student: Because my mother won’t give me any.


016.
Teacher: If your father and mother both give you 50$, what you will get?
Student: A new video game.


017.
Teacher: Tell me a way to prevent a disease which is caused by biting insects.
Student: Don’t get bitten by them.


018.
Teacher: Suppose, you have a box which contains a 10 foot snake...
Student: But Sir, snakes don’t have feet.


019.
Student: I don’t think I deserve Zero in this answer paper.
Teacher: Agreed. You deserve -1.


020.
Teacher: You are late today Mike.
Mike: Sir, I obeyed a sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Mike: COLLEGE AHEAD, DRIVE SLOW.


021.
Teacher: You promised me to submit me a paragraph, right?
Student: Yes Sir.
Teacher: And I also promised that if you fail to submit it, I will punish you, right?
Student: Yes Sir, so it will be fair if you break your promise too.


022.
Teacher: I think you are chewing gum.
John: No Sir, I am John Smith.


023.
After answering correct, the teacher said, 'Smith, tell me an important incident which never happened before within ten years'.
Smith: I answered correct today.


024.
Teacher: Gwen, come here and point out Africa from this globe.
Gwen: here
Teacher: Correct! John, who discovered Africa?
Class: Gwen!!


025.
Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?
Student: Money.
Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?
Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why


026.
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.


027.
A new student came to the class. After asking his name the teacher said,
'What does your father do?'
Student: Whatever Mom says.


028.
Teacher: Suppose, you have 4 coins in your pocket and there is a hole in the pocket. All the four coins fall down from that hole. What will you have in your pocket?
Student: A hole.


029.
Math teacher: Tell me Jenny, if a milkman mixes 2 litres water and 1 liter milk, he will get 3 litres. What will happen if he mixes 6 litres of water and 3 litres milk?
Jenny: I am not a milkman, how can I solve it?


030.
Teacher is explaining to the student,
'if you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.'
Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.
Teacher: why?
Student: because you don’t have any hair.


031.
Teacher: Robin, I always see that when I start teaching in the class, you always talk with your friends.
Robin: But Sir, I don’t talk when I sleep.


032.
Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Australia?
Student: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Student: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Australia.


033.
Ben got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said,
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.'
Ben: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time.


034.
Opening the book in the class, the teacher asked, 'So, where were we?'
Student: In this class, Sir.


035.
Teacher: Why does sea water tastes like salt?
Student: Maybe a ship of salt sinked a long time ago.


036.
Teacher: Ron, your handwriting is very bad. You will suffer in the future.
Ron: Don’t worry Sir. I will be a typist.


037.
Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land.
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example.
Student: Another frog.


038.
Jon and Ron are brothers. Their teacher told them to write an essay about Dog. After checking the essays the teacher said,
'Why both the essays are the same?'
Ron: Sir, our pet dog is same.


039.
Teacher: Tom! I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to write down this sentence 10 times. Why did you write only 4 times?
Tom: Sir, I am bad at math too.


040.
Teacher :Eanda, naan paadam nadathum podhu, enna ketkama avan veliya poran?
Student:Sir! avanuku thukathula nadakura viyaathi iruku sir....!
HOD: ...?


041.
Maths mis: A=B, B=C, So A=C.
Prove this method with example.
Student: Mis, I love u. U love ur daughter. So i love ur daughter,
Thats all mis


042.
Kid: My teacher has gone crazy Mom.
Mother: Why do you think so?
Kid: Yesterday he said that 3 times 4 is 12. Today he is saying that 12 is 6 times 2.


043.
Student A: My teacher caned me for something I didnt do?
Student B: Thats so bad.
Student A: Well, I didnt do my homework.


044.
Maths Teacher;
Dai 18kum 81kum ulla difference enna sollungada?
Student: Teacher.
18 na nalla vayasu ponnu.
81 na nalla vayasaana ponnunga teacher.
Teacher:?


045.
Teacher: 2 girls are dancing; Change this sentence into exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW!!


046.
Teacher: which vegetable makes your eyes water?
Student: Any vegetable.
Teacher: How?
Student: Just rub any vegetable in your eyes and see what happens.


047.
Two students are talking:
Student 1: I have good news. The teacher said the exams will go on even if it rains or shines.
Student 2: what is so great about it?
Student 1: It’s snowing.


048.
John was absent yesterday so the teacher said,
'John, you missed school yesterday, right?'
John: Not much Sir. I was busy in the playground.


049.
A phone call came to a school.
Caller: My daughter can’t come to school today.
School Secretary: Alright, but what’s the relation between you and the student?
Caller: This is my mother speaking.


050.
Teacher: You add 9 oranges to 4 oranges, what do you get?
Student: A math problem.


051.
Teacher: Spell the word CAT.
Student: C, A, T enter


052.
The teacher shouted angrily,
'If you think you are an idiot then stand up, now!'
After some moment, no one moved. Only a student said, 'Sir, you are the only one who is standing.'


053.
A teacher saw one of his students is sleeping in the class. He said to another student to wake him up.
Another student: Sir, you put him to sleep, so you better wake him up.


054.
The professor asks the student:
“Can you tell me how much is an eight of a third?”
“I can’t exactly tell, but it can’t be that much!”


055.
A new teacher tries to teach psychology to children. She enters the classroom saying:
“Whoever thinks he is stupid, please stand up!”
After a few seconds a student stands up. The teacher addresses the little boy:
“Why do you think you are stupid?”
“I am not stupid, miss, but I felt weird because you were the only one standing!


056.
“Children, what is wood used for?”, asks the teacher
“They make trees out of it!”


057.
A teacher tells the children:
“Kids, today we will witness a full sun eclipse. Watch it closely”
“What channel are they broadcasting it on?”


058.
The teacher asks Jim:
“Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?”
“I don’t has a pencil”
“Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: {I don’t have a pencil, he doesn’t have a pencil, we don’t have a pencil}”
“Who stole all the pencils then?”


059.
Bring your father to school day came, and every kid brought his dad except Billy. After every dad had its speech, the teacher asks the kid:
“Billy, what does your father do? Why is he not here?”
“ He’s at an interview for a job at the FBI!”
“Wow that’s great! What will his job be?”
“I don’t know. When they took him last night they told my mother they’re bringing him in for questioning”


060.
In the first day of school, the teacher wanted to see if kids know how to count to 14. When she gets to Jerry, the kid gets up and starts:
“Well....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, ace, jack, queen, king”


061.
The teacher writes on the table “2-2=”
“Billy, could you tell me the result?”
“Yes it’s easy, It’s a draw”


062.
Grammar Teacher: Sam, can you tell me any 2 pronouns?
Sam: Who, me?
Teacher: Good answer Sam.


063.
Question: What has legs but cannot walk?
Answer: A table.


064.
Question: Which tables don't have legs?
Answer: Multiplication Tables


065.
Math Teacher: Can anyone tell me the number of sides in a rectangular box?
Student: Two sides miss, inside and outside.
Dad: Why have your marks gone down very low in this exam son?
Son: Because they change my friend John to the
next classroom.


066.
VIP: Sorry, I cannot attend your college annual day function. I have a sore throat and hence I cannot speak.
Student Secretary: Don't worry sir, that's why we invited you.


067.
English Teacher: Sam, form a sentence using the word aftermath.
Sam: We feel sleepy aftermath class.


068.
Professor: How was my class today?
Student: It had a happy ending sir. Everyone was happy that it ended.


069.
What should you pay apart from fees when you go to school?
Attention


070.
Teacher: John, I hope I didn't see you copying from George.
John: I hope the same too.


071.
Teacher: If you add 55467 and 12543 and divide by 1729 what will you get?
John: The wrong answer miss.


072.
Teacher: Do you know how many feet are there in a yard?
Student: Well, first tell me how many people are there in the yard.


073.
Teacher: Name five domestic animals
John: Dog, cat, cow and two goats.


074.
Teacher: Give some example of pronouns.
Student: Who, me?


075.
Teacher: Does any one of you know what a comet is?
John: A comet is a star with a tail miss.
Teacher: Good answer, can you give an example?
John: Mickey Mouse


076.
Student: Miss, I don't think I deserve a 0 in the math exam.
Teacher: Neither do I, but that's the lowest we are supposed to give.


077.
Teacher: Do you know that Rome wasn't built in a day?
Student: Then was it built during the night miss?


078.
Knowledge is what you get from reading fine prints.
Experience is what you get from not reading them.


079.
A Chinese student was learning English from a 30 day rapid learner book. He decided to try it out in the college canteen. When served coffee he replied: Thank you sir or madam, as the case may be.


080.
Child: Mom, today my teacher caned me for telling the correct answer.
Mom: What was the question and what did you answer?
Child: He asked me who threw a paper-rocket at him and I gave him the correct answer that it was me.


081.
The first thing a child learns in school is that his peers are getting more pocket money than he gets.


082.
Student 1: No one can win an argument with that professor... he is so unmoving just like the rock of Gibraltar.
Student 2: Blocks the view, doesn't he?


083.
The education system of our country is completely screwed up. 25% of the population cannot read, another 30% cannot write and the rest 60% cannot do basic math.