Profession Jokes

Profession Jokes are about the funnier side of many different professions like lawyers, doctors, engineers and archeologists.


001.
The driver stops the bus between stops and shouts to the passengers:
“Unless somebody gives away his seat to this lovely old lady then I will give up my place!”


002.
An old man presents himself in front of the enrollment committee:
“I want to join as a volunteer!”
“How old are you?”
“Seventy!”
“You are pretty old for a soldier you know!”
“Well then I shall join the forces as a general!”


003.
Exasperated by a very naughty kid left in her care on departure who kept running back and forth in the airplane annoying all the passengers, the stewardess whispers to him:
“Maybe you’re bored! Don’t you want to play outside?”


004.
The old barber gives his last advice to his nephew who is about to take over the business:
“And remember, working with the razor is extremely dangerous, some costumers are angry, they make sudden and unexpected moves! Be very careful not to cut yourself!”


005.
Two electricians were working on a high voltage line. The one standing on the pole tells the other worker:
“Grab that wire on the left, please!”
“Got it!”
“Do you feel anything?”
“No!”
“Then please be careful with the wire on the right! It has 30 000 volts going through it!”




006.
At a painting exhibition somebody presented a painting that was completely black with a white dot in the middle.
“What does this painting represent?” asks a guy.
“This painting represents my point of view!”


007.
After long and deep excavations archeologists found traces of glass in Australia.That could only mean one thing: Australians were the first to have TV’s in the ancient times.

After the same amount of long deep excavations, archeologists scraps of metal in Asia. That meant the Asians were the first to have missiles in the ancient times.

After detailed excavations in Europe they found absolutely nothing! Conclusion: Europeans were the first to have wireless and GSM in ancient times!


008.
The teacher asks Jim:
“Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?”
“I don’t has a pencil”
“Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: {I don’t have a pencil, he doesn’t have a pencil, we don’t have a pencil}”
“Who stole all the pencils then?”