Ghost Jokes

Ghost Jokes are about the lighter side of ghosts, vampires, draculas, demons and the like and are quite different.


001.
What do you call a ghost of someone who was a door to door salesperson?
A dead ringer


002.
What is a ghosts favourite dessert?
Ice scream


003.
Why is it that so few ghosts get arrested?
Because you can't pin anything on them.


004.
Question : Where are baby ghosts under 5 years old sent during the day?
Answer : Dayscare centres.


005.
What ride do ghosts favour at the funfair?
The roller ghoster, of course.




006.
What would you call a ghost's father and mother?
Transparents.


007.
Why are ghosts not good at telling a lie?
You can see straight through them.


008.
Which weekday is a favourite with ghosts?
Frightday.


009.
A man was walking at mid-night on the road adjacent to the graveyard. It was very dark. He was looking left and right and one could say that he was very nervous. He saw another man walking a little ahead of him and increased his pace so that he could catch up with him for company till he crosses the graveyard.

He said to him, "It looks very scary here. Hope there are no ghosts over here."

The other man replied, "I guess not. I have been living here since I died twenty years ago and haven't seen one yet."


010.
Two kids collected some hickory nuts from the forest and sat down in the cemetry on the way back home to divide them equally. A youth who happned to pass by outside the cemetry wall heard them speaking got terrified.

He saw an old man coming by, stopped him and said: "Don't go near the cemetry. Two ghosts are dividing the souls among themselves".

The old man didn't beleive this. The youth said, "Come and listen". Just then two of the nuts rolled down and went under the fence and outside the cemetry. One of the kids said, "We are finished except for the two nuts outside the fence. Let us divide them and we will be even".

The old man beat the youth back to the town.


011.
A ghost went to the barber for a haircut. The barber said, "I am very busy now. Come back after a few hours".
The ghost said, "Ok. I am leaving my head here. Will collect it once you are dont cutting the hair".


012.
Why was the skeleton looking very sad in the party?
Because he had no body to dance with.


013.
Why don't people like Count Dracula?
Because he is a pain in the neck.


014.
Why is it safe to trust a Mummy with secrets?
Because they keep everything under wraps.


015.
What happened to the air hostess who died in the flight?
She became an air ghostess!


016.
What do invisible ghosts which pass through walls say to each other?
It is nice not seeing you!


017.
A couple of ghosts were playing cards on a windy night. Another ghost opened the door to join the game. The strong wind blew away all the cards. One of the ghosts scolded the ghost who entered:
"For goodness sake, why don't you come in through the keyhole like everyone else."


018.
Two men were walking outside a graveyard in Germany when they heard strange musical notes coming from one of the graves. Teeth chattering, one of the men asked the other, "What the heck is that sound?"
The other man said: "Oh, that must be Beethoven's grave. He is decomposing"


019.
Son: Mom, please tell me another story about the haunted house.
Mom: I can't son, it is a one storey building you see.


020.
A ghost decided to frighten the man who just moved in to the house. During the night the ghost went up to him and said,
"Do you know I have been living here for the past 500 years?"
The man said, "Oh, very well then. Can you please let me know the way to the toilet?"


021.
A man who was travelling to the next village was caught in a storm and looked for a shelter. He came across an eerie looking bungalow and knocked. An old man who looked pale, yellow and eerie opened the door and took him in. He said, "This is your bedroom for the night. If you need something just scream."


022.
Son: Mom, everone in school is teasing me calling me a werewolf.
Mom: Don't bother about them son. Now sit down still so that I can comb your face.


023.
Vampire 1: Today I saw a poor old beggar who said that he hadn't had a bite for more than three days.
Vampire 2: So what did you do then?
Vampire 1: I bit him.