Police Cop and Thief Jokes

Police, Cop and Thief jokes as the name suggests are about clever thieves, dim-witted cops, sometimes the vice-versa and lots of fun overall.


001.
Two cops are talking:
Why do you make your kid sleep in the closet?
I can’t hear him if he falls off the bed.


002.
A cop was cold, and his partner asks him:
Why are you rubbing your hands like that?
I’m freezing!
And why don’t you stick your hands in your pockets?
They’re full. I’ve got my gloves in them.


003.
A policeman in the museum wonders around carelessly and knocks down a vase. The pale guard rushes to the scene and shouts:
“Oh my, this piece is 3000 years old! What have you done?”
“Now that’s a relief, I thought I broke something new!”


004.
Two cops are talking:
“What happened to you Kevin? Why are you shaking like that?”
“I just got out of the fridge!”
“What the hack were you doing in there?”
“Didn’t you hear? The boss said we have to be cold blooded cops!”


005.
Why would a cop throw a watch out the window? Because he wants to see how time flies.




006.
A policeman sees two men on the street and approaches one of them:
“Where do you work?” asks the cop.
“Nowhere! I am unemployed.”
“And you?” says the cop looking straight at the second man.
“I am his deputy!”


007.
Why are 15 cops sitting in front of a school for special needs children? It’s their 15 year class reunion.


008.
A man runs to the police stations and says:
Please arrest me!
Why what’s wrong?
I emptied two rounds on my wife!
You killed your wife? You bastard!
No! I missed every bullet that’s why you have to lock me up so she can’t get to me!


009.
A cop stops one man and tells him.
I’ve got to fine you! You were going 90! Can you explain that?
It’s hereditary!
Excuse me?
All three of my father, grandfather and great grandfather have gone after 90 years.


010.
What proof do you have that this man was drunk when you pulled him over officer?
Your honor, he stepped out of the car, kneeled down and tried to roll the concrete...