Dumb Jokes


Dumb Jokes are usually jokes about a set of people or two men who try to out-dumb eacher other with silly talk and actions.


001.
A man took his car to the garage for a repair as every time he turned a corner, he heard a loud clunking noise. The mechanic took out the car and tested it turning right then left and then right again. He returned to the garage and told the man he had fixed the noise. "What was the problem" asked the man. "Easy", replied the mechanic "It just needed that bowling bowl taking out of your boot."


002.
A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on the front
door. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he could supply him with
some food. The wealthy man said "I didn't become rich by giving stuff away for
free but I tell you what - if you go out the back and paint my porch, in return you
will receive a fine meal". After about twenty minutes, the tramp returns and
knocks at the front door and the owner says "Wow. Finished already. My that
was quick. Take a seat and my cook will bring you the food.
"Thanks" said the tramp "But you should know one thing - that's a BMW you
have out back, not a porch.


003.
Two men went out fishing one fine day in a rented boat. They caught an amazing
42 fish. " Let's come out again tomorrow but be sure to mark this great fishing
spot on the lake" said one of the men to the other.
The following day, they are on the way to pick up the boat and the same man asks
"Did you remember to mark that great fishing spot?"
The other man replied " Yes, I put a massive "X" underneath the boat".
"You silly fool" said the first guy "What happens if we are given a different boat
today?"


004.
A woman is talking to an operator at the exchange and says " I have been trying to ring 0800 1930 for several days now and cannot get through".
The operator asks "Where did you obtain this number?". "It was on the front door of the Travel Agency". "Ah" said the opreator " I think that you will find that that is their opening hours".


005.
My wife borrowed the car last week to go shopping and as she returned to the car, saw a young man driving off in our car. The policeman asked her if she could describe the
young man. "Not really" came the reply. " But I did manage to get the licence plate.




006.
A car was speeding down a motorway so a traffic cop took chase and when he caught
up with the vehicle was amazed to see a woman knitting as she was speeding along.
He realised that she was completely oblivious to the sirens, flashing lights etc. so got out his loud haler and bellowed "PULL OVER". The woman yelled back at him " No its a scarf actually".


007.
Jenny went to buy some ice-cream at the interval when she was at the cinema the
other evening. On her return, she asked the man who was sitting on the end of a
row " I didn't step on your toes about 5 minutes ago did I".
"You certainly did young lady" replied the man.
"Thank goodness for that. I'm on the right row then" she smiled.


008.
My girlfriend met her friend Libby as she was picking up her car from the garage.
"Is the car okay now", my girlfriend asked.
"Yes although it did worry me the mechanic might attempt to overcharge me so I
was mighty relieved when she said that all that it needed was some blinker fluid"
replied Libby.


009.
There were two best friends who did almost everything together. Last week, the
first friend says " It's about time I lost some weight so tomorrow I'm starting a
diet".
"Okay, I'll do the same" said the second friend. " We can help encourage each
other to lose the weight and if I get the urge for some fries and a burger, I will call
you first".
"That's brilliant" replied the f first riend " I need a lift to Macdonalds as it is miles
away".


010.
My girlfriend and her friend are not very clever. The other day when out supermarket
shopping, they locked themselves out of their Mercedes so tried to open it using a
coat hanger. Try as they may, they were unable to unlock it.
Just as her friend stopped for a rest, the heavens opened and my girlfriend shouted
"Get a move on, it's beginning to rain and I’ve left the hood off and don’t want
the seats to get wet."


011.
I wouldn’t say that my girlfriend was stupid but the other day she entered our local
Library and said to the lady behind the desk "Chicken nuggets and French fries
please". The woman replied "Don’t you realise that you are in a library".
So she whispered very quietly "Sorry, I said can I have some chicken nuggets and
French fries, please"?


012.
My girlfriend wanted to change the colour scheme in her bedroom. She knew the colour she wanted but wasn't sure how much wall coverinmg she needed but her friend down the lane had done something similar recently and the rooms were
about the same size.


013.
"Libby" she asked "Can you remember the number of rolls of wall covering it took you to decorate your room"? "Twelve" she replied.
My girlfriend duly bought the twelve rolls of wall covering, finished the job and found
that she had three rolls remaining. She phoned Libby and told her this to which Libby replied "Oh, I'm not surprised, so did I "- Priceless


014.
A police officer stopped me for speeding the other day and asked to see my
licence. "I wish you lot would make your minds up – yesterday you took my
licence off me and today you want me to let you look at it".


015.
How do you know when you have received a fax from someone who is not very
bright? It will have a stamp on.


016.
My girlfriend is not very bright. Last summer we were flying home from Ibiza when
the pilot announced that one of the engines had packed up but not to panic as the
remaining three were fine. The only problem was that it would increase our flying
time by twenty minutes. A little later, the pilot announces that a second engine has now packed up but the remaining two are fine but now our flying time has been extended by 40 minutes. My girlfriend turned to me and said "I hope the remaining two engines don’t pack up otherwise we will be stuck up here all day"- priceless.


017.
Pat let me tell you, today I went to church and I couldn’t believe what was happening! A guy was smoking right next to the priest! I was so shocked by his gesture, that the feller in front of me noticed I was lifting his wallet.

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