Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes will make you fall on the ground rolling with laughter and fun. These are short jokes which provide tiny bits of entertainment.


001.
Can you spell "COW" in thirteen letters??
Ans: "SEE O DOUBLE YOU..."


002.
Husband asks: Do u know the meaning of wife?
'Without Infomation Fighting Everytime'.
Wife on hearing replies,
It also means 'With Idiot For Ever'.


003.
Man:what s million years 2 u?
God:only a second.
Man:what s billion of Dollar 2 u?
God:only a Coin.
Man:k give me a Coin.
God:wait a second


004.
Teacher to student: When were you born?
Student: 14th April
Teacher: Which year?
Student: Every year.


005.
Question: What gives milk but has only one horn?
Answer: A Milk Van




006.
Kid1: Even the President himself sits with his head bowed in front of my dad.
Kid 2: Wow, what is your dad?
Kid 1: He is a barber.


007.
Why are goods carried in a ship is called 'Cargo' while goods carried in a car is called 'Shipment'?


008.
I have had two unluck marriages. My first wife ran away with another guy. My second wife didnt.


009.
Doctor: You are on a diet. So eat a single egg and half a cup of milk.
Patient: Before or after lunch doctor?


010.
Judge: The last time I saw you in the court, I told you that I never ever wanted you to come here again.
Accused: Thats what I told the police your honor, but they didnt listen to me.


011.
Santa: Why are you carrying the car door on your trip to the desert?
Banta: So that I can pull down the window if it feels hot.


012.
Who are the only people who listen to both sides during an argument between husband and wife?
The neighbours.


013.
Why shouldnt you say a secret in a farm?
Because potatoes have eyes, corns have ears and BeanS''talks.


014.
Father-in-Law: Why are you angry with our son-in-law?
Mother-in-Law: I asked him to put a board in front of our house saying 'Beware of Dogs' and instead he put a board saying 'Beware of Hogs'.


015.
Santa: Why are you searching outside your house while you lost your purse inside your house?
BantA: Because its dark inside.


016.
Banta was trying to check his email. He typed:
DoubleUDoubleUDoubleUDotZeeMailDotCom


017.
Student 1: I dont understand anything that my professor is teaching us.
Student 2: Thats somewhat better. My professor himself doesnt understand what he is teaching us.


018.
Lady 1: Did your husband agree for you to have an abortion?
Lady 2: He is out of town for the past 11 months.


019.
Thief1: We forgot to count how much cash we stole.
Thief 2: Dont worry, we can find it out in the newspapers tomorrow.


020.
Santa: What are you looking for so intensely in the keyboard?
Banta: It says 'Press any key to continue' and I dont see the 'any' key.


021.
Visitor Comment in an Art Gallery:
It was raining outside. That’s why I was here. Thanks for the shelter.


022.
Beggar: Actually I am an author. I wrote '100 ways to become rich'
Mr. Roger: Then why are you begging?
Beggar: This is one of the ways to become rich.


023.
Mr. Anderson: I am very lucky. When I talk with my wife, she always bows her head.
Mr. Smith: Why?
Mr. Anderson: Because she is taller than me.


024.
In a boxing match:
Coach: Why aren’t you blocking the punches?
Boxer: Can’t you see I am blocking all the punches with my face?


025.
A guest have visited Molly’s house. She gave her a plate of biscuits. Just after that, her dog started to bark at the guest.
Guest: Why is the dog barking at me?
Molly: Actually, it’s his food. Don’t worry, I am holding him. You better finish it quickly.


026.
Two drunken men are talking.
Man 1: I am planning to buy the world.
Man 2: You can’t.
Man 1: Why?
Man 2: I am not going to sell it.


027.
Oh no! What have you done! Those were antique cup sets. You broke them!!
Thanks God. I thought they were new.


028.
You promised me to send an electrician to fix the door bell, three days have gone by, and nobody has come.
I did send a guy. But he pushed the bell, nobody opened the door.


029.
Pearl is reading a story about elephants. Suddenly she asked her sister,
'Do you know why elephants don’t ride a cycle?'
Jean: 'They doesn’t have thumbs. So it’s impossible to ring the bell for them. Without ringing the bell, it’s really risky for them to drive.'


030.
Mary: June, do you know why the sky is so high?
June: Yes, Just imagine, if its not so high then what will happen to the birds? They will crash on the sky.


031.
Waiter: Sir, my tips please.
Customer: Here you go, one cent.
Waiter: Sir, you are insulting me, please give me at least 2.
Customer: I can’t insult you twice.


032.
Ron: If you do something wrong, why your father punish your brother?
Tim: We are twins.


033.
Oh my! You run to me just because you heard my song?
Who said that? I thought you got hurt somehow.