Kids Jokes

Kids Jokes are innocent words from the mouth of kids that make us laugh, to their dads, moms, teachers and doctors.


001.
Dad: What would you like to be when you grow up son?
Son: I want to be a garbage collector Dad.
Dad: What?! A garbage collector of all professions? Why?!
Son: Because I have seen them work only once a week.


002.
Kid: Doctor, a German shepherd bit my finger.
Doctor: Which one?
Kid: The one owned by Mr. James next door.


003.
Man: Doctor, my son swallowed a nickel!
Doctor: Don't worry; I will give you a dollar.


004.
Son: Mom, my friends in school tease me and call me a girl.
Mom: Don't worry, next time somebody calls you like that, hit them with your handbag and scratch their face.


005.
Son: Mom, I am home sick.
Mom: But you are in home now.
Son: I am sick of my home.




006.
Son prays to God: God, I have exams tomorrow and haven't studied. Can I have measles?
Mom: Don’t be silly son, God doesn't make rash promises.


007.
A 25 year old man went and asked his dad: Dad, give me ten dollars.
Dad: Son, don't you think you are a bit old asking your dad for ten dollars?
Son: Very well, give me hundred dollars then.


008.
Dad: Son, you must learn to give and take.
Son: Sure dad, yesterday I gave my friend a punch and took his pencil.


009.
“Billy, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A soldier!”
“But you might get injured by enemies!”
“Then I want to become an enemy!”


010.
“Billy, at your birthday party you’ll have a cake with 5 candles!”
“I know mommy, but I want 5 cakes with a candle”


011.
Billy asks his father:
“Daddy, what’s an actor?”
“Well son, an actor is a guy who goes on stage, looks out a window and says [[What a wonderful view]]”
“Just like a president?”


012.
“Dad, were you the one who told me they once kicked you out of the school?”
“Yes Billy, why?”
“I think it’s hereditary”


013.
Johnny goes with his father at a horse race.
“Daddy, will all these horses win prizes at the end?”
“Only the first one to finish, son”
“Then why are the others still running?”


014.
Daughter to dad: Dad, what is called as a sea level?
Dad: Why do you want to know it?
Daughter: Well, my grades went below C-Level.

015.
Dad: How did you do your exam today son?
Son: There were totally ten questions asked. I did well but couldn't answer the first four and the last six.


016.
Dad: Your school teacher called me up and complained a lot about you. What have you been doing son?
Son: Me, nothing dad!
Dad: Exactly!


017.
“If your tooth hurts that bad we must rush to the dentist, my son! I hope you are not afraid!”
“No, dad, I’m fine!”
“That’s the spirit! Nothing is going to happen to you!”
“Then what’s the point of going at all?”


018.
”Mommy, mommy, am I allowed to swim in that deep pool over there?”
“No honey, you are not! The water is very deep and it is too dangerous!”
“Then how come daddy is allowed?”
“Daddy’s got insurance!”


019.
Billy comes back from school one day crying:
“Mommy, kids at school are making fun of me, they’re saying I’m a vampire.”
“Don’t worry Billy, they are just being kids! Now go eat before your soup coagulates”


020.
“John that’s enough!!! You already ate 5 pieces of pie!”
“Mom, if I don’t exercise how do you expect me to learn the table manners?”


021.
“Mom, today I saved the Math teacher from a colleague’s prank”
“Very nice of you sweetheart, what did you do?”
“He put a nail on his chair, and when the Math teacher was about to sit down, I pulled the chair from under him!”


022.
“Mommy bring me another chocolate, please!”
“You’ve had 6 today it’s enough!”
“Please mom, only 1 more!”
“Go to sleep tomorrow you have to go to school! If I hear 1 more sound I’m coming to ground you”
“And will you bring me a chocolate when you come?”


023.
“Why are you eating the chocolates so fast Billy? Did you forget about your sister?”
“I didn't forget, why do you think I’m eating so fast...?


024.
A mother wanting her kid to stop behaving badly says:
“Jimmy, If you won’t start behaving, I’ll change you with a good child!”
“You can’t!”
“Why not?”
“Who would be stupid enough to change a good child with a bad one?”


025.
Billy gets home from school one day:
“Daddy, the teacher gave me a D today!”
“Somebody will get grounded mister!”
“Let me write you down her address!”


026.
“Dad, do you have a perfect visual memory?”
“Yes son, pretty much. Why do you ask?”
“I just broke your shaving mirror!”


027.
A father asks his son:
Did you like the Kinder egg I gave you yesterday?
The chocolate was very good, but the shell was a bit hard.


028.
“Did you know your son threw a rock at me?”
“Oh, dear? My son? Are you sure? And did he hit you?”
“Fortunately, no!”
“The is wasn’t my son!”


029.
“Grandmother, were you on Noah’s Arch during the flood?”
“No.”
“Then how come you didn’t drown too?”


030.
A kid to her mother:
“Mommy, do chickens drink gasoline?”
“No son, why?”
“Then why does the price per egg rise every time the gasoline price rises?”