Question and Answer Jokes

Question and Answer Jokes as the name suggests are a series of jokes in the format of a question followed by a funny answer. These jokes are typically short and are mostly around two lines.


001.
Question: Why do most married men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.


002.
Question: What do diapers and Politicians have in common?
Answer: They both need changing regularly - for exactly the same reason.


003.
Question: What is the definition of the early evening news?
Answer: It starts with the words "Good evening" then spends the next half an hour tellling you why it isn't one.


004.
Question:What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time?
Answer: Your shinbone


005.
Question: Why do parents give children a middle name?
Answer: So the child knows when it is in seriously in trouble




006.
Question: What would you have if you crossed a panther with a beef burger?
Answer: Really fast food.


007.
Question: What would you have if you crossed a pig with a karate expert?
Answer: Pork chops


008.
Question: Why do traffic lights rarely go swimming?
Answer: They take much too long to change.


009.
Question: Why do thieves shower before they commit crime?
Answer: Because they like a clean getaway.


010.
Question: What type of bow can never be tied?
Answer: A Rainbow.


011.
Question: Why did Jack take a prune out for the evening?
Answer: He couldn’t get a date.


012.
Question: Why couldn’t the pirate play poker?
Answer: He was sat on the deck.


013.
Question: Which is the loudest state in the U.S.A.?
Answer: ILLI NOISE.


0.
Question: Why is it that birds fly southwards for the winter?
Answer: Because it is much too far to walk.


014.
Question: Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal next to a group of basketball players?.
Answer: They dribble far too much.


015.
Question: How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze?
Answer: No idea as none have ever made it out yet.


016.
Question: Where can you obtain virgin wool?
Answer: Really ugly sheep.


017.
Question: How can you treble the value any Skoda car?
Answer: Put a gallon of petrol in it.


018.
Question: What is the best definition of a mixed emotion?
Answer: Watching the mother-in-law reverse off a cliff driving your brand new car.


019.
Question: What is a cow with no legs called?
Answer: Ground Beef.


020.
Question: Why does a divorce cost so much?
Answer: Because it is worth it.


021.
Question: What would you have if you crossed a panther with a beef burger?
Answer: Really fast food.


022.
Question: What would you have if you crossed a pig with a karate expert?
Answer: Pork chops


023.
Question: Why do traffic lights rarely go swimming?
Answer: They take much too long to change.


024.
Question: Why do thieves shower before they commit crime?
Answer: Because they like a clean getaway.


025.
Question: What type of bow can never be tied?
Answer: A Rainbow.


026.
Question: Why did Jack take a prune out for the evening?
Answer: He couldn’t get a date.


027.
Question: Why couldn’t the pirate play poker?
Answer: He was sat on the deck.


028.
Question: Which is the loudest state in the U.S.A.?
Answer: ILLI NOISE.


029.
Question: Why is it that birds fly southwards for the winter?
Answer: Because it is much too far to walk.


030.
Question: Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal next to a group of basketball players?.
Answer: They dribble far too much.


031.
Question: How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze?
Answer: No idea as none have ever made it out yet.


032.
Question: Where can you obtain virgin wool?
Answer: Really ugly sheep.


033.
Question: How can you treble the value any Skoda car?
Answer: Put a gallon of petrol in it.


034.
Question: What is the best definition of a mixed emotion?
Answer: Watching the mother-in-law reverse off a cliff driving your brand new car.


035.
Question: What is a cow with no legs called?
Answer: Ground Beef.


036.
Question: Why does a divorce cost so much?
Answer: Because it is worth it.


037.
Question: Why do most married men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.


038.
Question: What do diapers and Politicians have in common?
Answer: They both need changing regularly - for exactly the same reason.


039.
Question: What is the definition of the early evening news?
Answer: It starts with the words Good evening then spends the next half an hour tellling you why it isn't one.


040.
Question : What route do crazy people take to go through the woods?
Answer: They follow the psycho path.


041.
Question: How would a spoilt little rich girl change a light bulb?
Answer: She would ask Daddy to buy her a new apartment


042.
Question: What do people in prison use to communicate with one another?
Answer: Cell phones


043.
Question: What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires?
Answer: You would get severe frostbite


044.
Question: What is big, fuzzy and green with four legs and six pockets and if it were to fall from a tree it would probably kill you?
Answer: A snooker table.


045.
Question: What lettuce was served in the salad bar on the Titanic?
Answer: Iceberg


046.
Question: What shakes and twitches and can be found at the sea bottom?
Answer: A nervous wreck


047.
Question: Why is it there so many people with the surname Jones in the telephone book?
Answer: Because they have got phones.


048.
Question: Why is it that people always walk whenever they play the bagpipes?
Answer: Even they are attempting to get away from that awful noise.


049.
Question: What happened to the man who lost his left arm, left leg and eye in an accident?
Answer: It was touch and go but he is all right now.


050.
Question: What was the name of the person who made King Arthur’s Round Table?
Answer: Sir Cumferance


051.
Question : What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women?
Answer : AGE


052.
Question : Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Answer : Because they have their own scales


053.
Question: How you know that you are flying with a "no frills" airline?
Answer: You need to have the correct change to board the plane.


054.
Question: Why do "no frills" airlines never show movies on their flights?
Answer: They don’t need to. You keep seeing your life flashing before your very eyes.


055.
Question: On a turkey, which side would you find most feathers?
Answer: The outside


056.
Question: Why is that all cats dislike flying saucers?
Answer: Because it is impossible for them to reach the milk.


057.
Question: If a cat has nine lives, what has more?
Answer: A frog – it croaks every day.


058.
Question: Which ballet do pigs like best?
Answer: Swine Lake.


059.
Question: What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?
Answer : Everybody can chop pork but everyone can't pea soup.


060.
Question: Why is it that we don't eat clowns?
Answer: They taste funny


061.
Question: If you saw two cowboys in a kitchen, which would be the real one?
Answer : The one stood by the range.


062.
Question: Where would you find a dog with one leg?
Answer: Exactly where you had left it.


063.
Question: Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Answer: Because there wasn't a single person there.


064.
Question: What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet?
Answer: A magnet has a positive side.


065.
Question : What is the longest sentence that a man knows?
Answer: I do.


066.
Question: What do you call a chicken that is crossing the road?
Answer: Poultry in motion


067.
Question: What is a quicker way to transfer money than electronic banking?
Answer: Marriage.


068.
Question: Where would a 65 year old man find a young, attractive woman who would take any interest in him?
Answer : The local bookshop in the section marked "fiction".


069.
Question: Why is it a good to use valet parking as you get older?
Answer: Because they will remember where the car was parked.


070.
Question : If it takes six men eight hours for a wall to be built, how long would three men take to build it?
Answer : It wouldn't take any time - it has already been built.


071.
Question : What would you have if you had four peaches and three pears in one hand with four pears and three peaches in the other?
Answer: Incredibly large hands.


072.
Question: How would you lift a giraffe with one hand?
Answer: Doesn't matter as you won't find any one handed giraffe?


073.
Question: If a green stone was thrown into the sea what does it become?"
Answer: Wet


074.
Question : What falls regularly although never gets hurt?
Answer : Rain


075.
What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen
Apple juice for twenty minutes?
Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can.


076.
Question: What is another name for female Viagra?
Answer: A Diamond


077.
Question: What did the cowboy say went he went into the car showroom in Germany?
Answer: Audi


078.
Question : What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate.
Answer : Tell him that you are pregnant


079.
Question: What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age?
Answer : Remove your spectacles


080.
Q. Where do you find a one legged cow?
A. Where ever you left it.


081.
What's the reason for the stoplight turning red?
Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?


082.
What's the name for a boom-a-rang, that doesn't come back at you?
Answer: A Stick!


083.
Do you know why a room full of married people looks so empty and deserted?
There's not even a "Single person" in it.


084.
In what way are chopped mutton and pea soup different?
You chop mutton, but can you pea soup?


085.
Q: What's the name for a charismatic at an auction?
A: Broke.


086.
Do you know anything about the dyslexic agnostic schizophrenic?
She was in two minds as to whether there's a dog!


087.
In what way are a woman and a magnet different?
Magnets have a positive side!