Irish Jokes

Irish Jokes are the classic jokes about people in Ireland which potray them in a stereotypical manner but yet are funny.


001.
Wife: My husband is a miracle worker.
Neighbourhood lady: Is he so good?
Wife: It's a miracle if he works.


002.
An Englishman and an Irishman were speaking sitting in a park bench when a horrible, ugly looking and nasty dog passed by.
The Irishman said: "I wonder what breed of dog that is".
Englishman: "It's a cross between a pig and an Irishman".
Irishman: "Well then, it's related to both of us".


003.
Mick: If you can guess the number of vodka bottles I have, I can give both of them to you.
Murphy: Four?


004.
Paddy and Murphy went to a bar and got drunk.
Paddy: Your glass is empty. Do you want another one?
Murphy: Why the hell would I want another empty glass.


005.
In a quiz competition in Ireland: Tell me your name and address.
Murphy: Pass




006.
Nurse: Your wife delivered twins.
Murphy angrily: Wait till I get hold of the other fellow.


007.
Nurse: Your wife delivered twins.
Murphy: Great! Are they identical?
Nurse: One of them is but the other one is not.


008.
Murphy came back from a year long vacation in the tropics and died of exhaustion the next day. When paying the last respects to him, an elderly lady who lived next door said: "He's got an awesome tan. The vacation did him a world of good".

Murphy's wife sad: "Too said he doesn't know it because he died in his sleep and he doesn't know that he is dead yet. But when he wakes up and finds out that he is dead, he might die of shock when he finds that I am widow".


009.
Murphy: Here's the hundred dollars that I borrowed from you last month.
Paddy: Thanks Murphy!, I fogot about it till this moment.
Murphy: Why the hell didn't you say so?!