PJs Poor Jokes

PJs are short for poor jokes which are mostly cliched and also very intolerable but can be used to give headaches to your friends.


001.
A boxer’s wife is woken up by some weird noises coming from the living room. She wakes her husband up and tells him:
“Rocky! Wake up! I think somebody’s in the living room for a private boxing lesson!”


002.
“I’d like some vitamins for children, please.”
“What kind of vitamins? Is it A, B or C?”
“It doesn’t really matter! They haven’t learned how to read yet!”


003.
A newspaper boy keeps shouting on the street:
“Big scam! Big scam! 12 Victims!”
A man decides to buy the newspaper and while browsing it he discovers there is nothing inside it about a scam.
The boy keeps shouting even louder now:
“Big scam! Big scam! 13 victims!”


004.
 A teacher asks a child:
“Gerry, What’s that strong bond between a man and a woman called?”
“Money...?”


005.
Pat and John were walking through the forest, when John disappears. Worried, Pat asks:
“John, did you fall in a hole?”
“Yeeeees”
“Did you hurt yourself?”
“Noooooo”
“Is it deep?”
“I’m not doooown yeeeet”




006.
Garry goes at her mother-in-law’s one day with a gift box in one hand and a gun in the other.
“Mother, I brought you a very nice pair of earrings as a gift!”
“Thank you Garry, but what are you doing with the gun?”
“I thought you might need a new pierce or two...”


007.
“Hello, Bagwell residence?”
“Only Bagwell, the residence was taken by a tornado yesterday!”


008.
Finding out that the Summer Olympics are closing in and there’s no glory like winning gold medals, Jerry applies to get in the Olympic team of his
country, promising he’ll bring home 7 gold medals. His application was approved, and in the second day Jerry managed indeed to get the 7 gold medals he wanted. He was apprehended later that day.


009.
Two old friends meet:
“Garry, what’s your job now?”
“I mimic termites.”
“How so?”
“I have to drill holes in the wood for a furniture factory”


010.
“Doc, I’ve got memory problems”
“How did you notice that?”
“ Notice what...?”


011.
The teacher asks children at school what are they eating. When she asks Jerry, he answers:
“Tea”
“Only tea?”, asks the teacher
“Yes”
“Jerry, tomorrow the principle will come to talk with all of you. I want you to tell him you eat meat ok?”
“ok!”
The next day came, and the principal asked Jerry the same question. The child answered:
“Meat!”
“All day?”
“Yes!”
“And how much meat do you eat in one day?”
“Usually about three cups.”


012.
“Let’s say for a moment that I would put my hand into some man’s pocket and take all his money. What would that make me, children?”
“The Minister of Finance!”


013.
” Is your buddy still living in that million dollar mansion with the balcony offering that view to the state penitentiary?”
“Not anymore! From where he’s standing now you can see the million dollar mansion perfectly!”


014.
A boxing champion goes at the police station:
A guy robbed me! He threatened me and stole the 600$ I had in the wallet!
And why didn’t you fight him?
For such a small amount of money?


015.
“Only a fool or an idiot can say that he is absolutely sure about something. A wise man is a man who doubts everything!”
“Are you sure about what you are saying?”
“Absolutely!”


016.
“Did you like Switzerland? Isn’t it really beautiful?”
“You are all exaggerating! If you take away the mountains and lakes, the banks and the cleanliness, you got nothing left!”


017.
Two men standing on the side of the highway facing each other. One of them shouts at the other one across the highway:
“How in the name of God did you cross this road?”
“Are you mad? I was born on this side!”


018.
“How was the beach?”
“Terrible! It rained constantly, day and night, for two weeks!”
“But I see you got tanned!”
“It’s not tan! It’s rust!”


019.
The pessimist: “It cannot get any worse!”
The optimist:”Yes it can!”


020.
”Your book entitled <1000 recipes for single men> is bound to fail lamentably!”
“Why do you say that?”
“It is quite daunting and I am saying that because almost all of your recipes start with <you get a clean bowl…>”


021.
The four fastest means of communication are:
1. television;
2. the telephone;
3.the internet;
4. and women.


022.
A very fat man goes back to the store where he purchased an armchair from:
“A week ago I bought a brand new armchair from you and now it’s broken!”
“Well that’s because you probably sat on it!”


023.
A young man wants to get a job in a shop. The manager hands him a broom and tells him that his first job will be to clean the shop.
“I am a college graduate you know…”
“Oh, I’m sorry – says the manager- Give me the broom and I’ll show you how it’s done in a minute!”


024.
A madman and his brother are taking a walk in the courtyard of the asylum.
“Jerry, you have a whole in your umbrella!”
“Yes, I know. I made it so I can see when the rain stops!”


025.
A madman up on the wall surrounding the madhouse stares at a fisherman who had been standing still for hours in the middle of the lake holding his fishing rod.
“I noticed that you’ve been standing there since this morning! Did you catch anything?”
“No!”
“Then you’d better join us!”


026.
Why do men have a clean conscience? Because they haven’t been using it yet!


027.
“How is it possible? You said you were blind but I can see you reading the newspaper!”
“Madam, you are wrong! I am not reading it, I am only looking at the pictures!”


028.
”Any last wishes?” the warred asks the condemned.
“Yes! I would like a coffee please!”
“Ok. How much sugar would you like in your coffee?”
“I’d like saccharine instead of sugar. I suffer from diabetes.”


029.
A curios man asked Bernard Shaw:
“What would you think if Shakespeare were alive today? Wouldn’t t that be extraordinary?”
“Of course it would! It would be beyond extraordinary!”
“How come?”
“Don’t you realize? He would be over 500 years old!”


030.
“How did you crash the car so badly?”
“Well, I kind of hit a citizen.”
“That’s all it took for you to destroy it like that?”
“Well the citizen was inside a bus…”