Teacher Student Jokes

Teacher Student Jokes is a collection of funny school jokes, academic jokes and funny stuff about silly students and teachers. Some jokes are from the mouth of kids; their innocent questions and answers brings a smile while other are about students giving silly and stupid answers.


001.
Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.


002.
A teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'


003.
Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE


004.
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Pluto and Neptune. Everyone must attend it.
Sudent: Sorry my mom wouldnt let me go so far.


005.
The teacher asked, 'Give me an example of Coincidence?'
Student replied, My mom and dad got married on the same date.

Husband and Wife Jokes

Husband and Wife jokes are one of the funniest of the lot along with marriage jokes. These jokes are generally about husband and wife poking fun at each other and at their in-laws.


001.
Lady 1: Last week you had advertised in the newspaper for a husband. Any luck with it?
Lady 2: I got two hundred people who said, "You can have mine".


002.
Lady 1: I think my husband is cheating on me.
Lady 2: How did you conclude that?
Lady 1: My last two children don't resemble him at all.


003.
Husband: Enough is enough. We already have four kids and I will go bankrupt and broke if I have to support a fifth one. I will put a revolver to my head if that happens.
Wife: But dear, you will be killing an innocent man.


004.
They sat by the candlelight having dinner in the luxury restaurant.
He said: "Wine does a lot of things. It makes you look beautiful, charming and attractive".
She said: "but dear, I haven't been drinking"
He said: "I know, but I have been".


005.
Wife woke up her husband in the middle of the night and told him, "Dear, there seems to be a burglar in the house. Wake up."
But her husband refused to go out and investigate.
Wife: "Why are you scared? I thought you were brave when you married me"
Husband: "Well yes, that's what my friends said too."

Question and Answer Jokes

Question and Answer Jokes as the name suggests are a series of jokes in the format of a question followed by a funny answer. These jokes are typically short and are mostly around two lines.


001.
Question: Why do most married men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.


002.
Question: What do diapers and Politicians have in common?
Answer: They both need changing regularly - for exactly the same reason.


003.
Question: What is the definition of the early evening news?
Answer: It starts with the words "Good evening" then spends the next half an hour tellling you why it isn't one.


004.
Question:What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time?
Answer: Your shinbone


005.
Question: Why do parents give children a middle name?
Answer: So the child knows when it is in seriously in trouble

Kids Jokes

Kids Jokes are innocent words from the mouth of kids that make us laugh, to their dads, moms, teachers and doctors.


001.
Dad: What would you like to be when you grow up son?
Son: I want to be a garbage collector Dad.
Dad: What?! A garbage collector of all professions? Why?!
Son: Because I have seen them work only once a week.


002.
Kid: Doctor, a German shepherd bit my finger.
Doctor: Which one?
Kid: The one owned by Mr. James next door.


003.
Man: Doctor, my son swallowed a nickel!
Doctor: Don't worry; I will give you a dollar.


004.
Son: Mom, my friends in school tease me and call me a girl.
Mom: Don't worry, next time somebody calls you like that, hit them with your handbag and scratch their face.


005.
Son: Mom, I am home sick.
Mom: But you are in home now.
Son: I am sick of my home.

Police Cop and Thief Jokes

Police, Cop and Thief jokes as the name suggests are about clever thieves, dim-witted cops, sometimes the vice-versa and lots of fun overall.


001.
Two cops are talking:
Why do you make your kid sleep in the closet?
I can’t hear him if he falls off the bed.


002.
A cop was cold, and his partner asks him:
Why are you rubbing your hands like that?
I’m freezing!
And why don’t you stick your hands in your pockets?
They’re full. I’ve got my gloves in them.


003.
A policeman in the museum wonders around carelessly and knocks down a vase. The pale guard rushes to the scene and shouts:
“Oh my, this piece is 3000 years old! What have you done?”
“Now that’s a relief, I thought I broke something new!”


004.
Two cops are talking:
“What happened to you Kevin? Why are you shaking like that?”
“I just got out of the fridge!”
“What the hack were you doing in there?”
“Didn’t you hear? The boss said we have to be cold blooded cops!”


005.
Why would a cop throw a watch out the window? Because he wants to see how time flies.

Funny Doctor Jokes

Funny Doctor Jokes are the funniest jokes about bumbling nurses, silly patients and forgetful doctors. This is a category of joke that most will be able to associate with.
Doctor Jokes are universal in the sense anyone can understand the essence of the joke without it being too regional. Some of these doctor jokes are really funny and hilarious; just enjoy reading these comedy jokes.


001.
A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...
Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?
Woman: How do you know?!
Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.


002.
Mr. Jones: Doctor, my son is having a problem.
He plugged up his ear and nose with chilies. Now he is screaming.
Doctor: That means he is not eating properly.


003.
Doctor: Here is the medicine. Take four spoons daily.
Patient: But I don’t have four spoons in house. Do I have to buy one?


004.
Two friends run to a doctor, one of them said,
'Doctor, I accidentally swallowed a marble. Please get it out from my stomach.'
Doctor: Yes sure, but why your friend is here?
Boy: Because it’s his marble.


005.
Doctor: Your husband needs a proper rest. Here are some sleeping tablets.
Woman: When will he have these?
Doctor: It’s for you, not for him.

Boyfriend Girlfriend Jokes

Boyfriend Girlfriend jokes brings out the humor & sarcasm in the conversation between lovers about their first date, marriage plans and their parents.


001.
Girlfriend: One of my ancestors was actually a king.
Boyfriend: I never knew you were a desendant of King Kong.


002.
Boyfriend: For the last time I am telling you that I didn't come here to get insulted.
Girlfriend: Then where else do you usually go?


003.
Boyfriend: Doesn't this date make you long for another?
Girlfriend: Yes, but no one else would come.


004.
Girlfriend: By BF could be an even bigger fool but he lacks ambition.


005.
Girlfriend: You are so intelligent that you brighten the place whereever...
Boyfriend: whereever I go?
Girlfriend: No, whereever you leave.

Short Jokes

Short Jokes is a collection of some very short txt jokes, PJs and also some hilarious and funny jokes. Enjoy your time reading these titbits and be happy in life.


001.
Where can we find a sea without water and earth with out people?
Ans: On the map


002.
which is the laziest mountain?
Ans: Ever-rest


003.
A thing has a spark at one end and a fool at the other
Ans:Cigarette


004.
Did you hear about the man who recently awoke from a thirty year coma and the
first thing he asked for was a cup of coffee. "Just a little cup" he asked "a lot of
caffeine tends to keep me awake".


005.
Two cows were talking at market and Molly says to Daisy "I was artificially
inseminated an hour ago". Daisy replied " I don't believe that for a minute".
Molly retorted "Its true - no bull".

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa Banta Jokes is a collection of the most enjoyable jokes about Mr. Dumb and Mr. Dumber who are so stupid that you will laugh over falling on the ground. Santa is Dumb while Banta is even more Dumber. These jokes are popular in India. Santa says something dumb or asks a dumb question while Banta replies with an even more foolish answer.


001.
Judge: You are accused of driving above speed limits. What will you take, 3000 bucks or 3 days in jail?
Santa: I will take the money rather.


002.
Boss: Your starting salary is 5000 bucks per month. Your job is being my driver.
Santa: If my starting salary is 5000 bucks, how much is my driving salary?


003.
Santa was removing money from the ATM.
Banta: I saw your password, ha ha.
Santa: What is it?
Banta: It is four asteriks (****)
Santa: Ha ha, you are wrong. It is 9425.


004.
Santa: Drink the coffee soon while it hot.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Hot Cofee costs only 5 bucks while cold cofee costs 10 bucks.


005.
Santa: There was a man that I saw in the mirror whom I had seen somewhere.
Banta: Who was he?
Santa: I think he was the guy who married my wife.

Restaurant Jokes

Restaurant Jokes are based on the interactions between the customer and the waiter in a restaurant and are funny, hilarious and are often sarcastic.


001.
My wife and I went for a meal the other night and I surprised everyone there by
ordering in French. It was an Italian restaurant.


002.
My wife and I went for a meal the other night and I said to the waiter "This
chicken is stone cold". "It should be" he replied "It has been dead for over a
week.


003.
My wife and I went for a meal last week and I said to the waiter "Did you know
that this chicken has got one leg longer than the other?" The waiter replied "Do
you want to eat it or have a dance with it?".


004.
I was in a restaurant last week and the waiter asked me for my order. "Can you tell me how you prepare the chickens "I asked. " Nothing fancy, Sir" replied the waiter "We simply tell them they are going to die".


005.
A couple were dining in a fancy restaurant when the waitress spots the man sliding
under the table whilst the woman seeming totally unconcerned.
As he slid completely under the table, the waitress went across and quietly whispered to the woman "Excuse me but your husband has just slid under your table".
"Oh no he hasn't" said the woman " He has just walked in."

Profession Jokes

Profession Jokes are about the funnier side of many different professions like lawyers, doctors, engineers and archeologists.


001.
The driver stops the bus between stops and shouts to the passengers:
“Unless somebody gives away his seat to this lovely old lady then I will give up my place!”


002.
An old man presents himself in front of the enrollment committee:
“I want to join as a volunteer!”
“How old are you?”
“Seventy!”
“You are pretty old for a soldier you know!”
“Well then I shall join the forces as a general!”


003.
Exasperated by a very naughty kid left in her care on departure who kept running back and forth in the airplane annoying all the passengers, the stewardess whispers to him:
“Maybe you’re bored! Don’t you want to play outside?”


004.
The old barber gives his last advice to his nephew who is about to take over the business:
“And remember, working with the razor is extremely dangerous, some costumers are angry, they make sudden and unexpected moves! Be very careful not to cut yourself!”


005.
Two electricians were working on a high voltage line. The one standing on the pole tells the other worker:
“Grab that wire on the left, please!”
“Got it!”
“Do you feel anything?”
“No!”
“Then please be careful with the wire on the right! It has 30 000 volts going through it!”

PJs Poor Jokes

PJs are short for poor jokes which are mostly cliched and also very intolerable but can be used to give headaches to your friends.


001.
A boxer’s wife is woken up by some weird noises coming from the living room. She wakes her husband up and tells him:
“Rocky! Wake up! I think somebody’s in the living room for a private boxing lesson!”


002.
“I’d like some vitamins for children, please.”
“What kind of vitamins? Is it A, B or C?”
“It doesn’t really matter! They haven’t learned how to read yet!”


003.
A newspaper boy keeps shouting on the street:
“Big scam! Big scam! 12 Victims!”
A man decides to buy the newspaper and while browsing it he discovers there is nothing inside it about a scam.
The boy keeps shouting even louder now:
“Big scam! Big scam! 13 victims!”


004.
 A teacher asks a child:
“Gerry, What’s that strong bond between a man and a woman called?”
“Money...?”


005.
Pat and John were walking through the forest, when John disappears. Worried, Pat asks:
“John, did you fall in a hole?”
“Yeeeees”
“Did you hurt yourself?”
“Noooooo”
“Is it deep?”
“I’m not doooown yeeeet”

Office Jokes

Office Jokes are about hard taskmaster bosses, lazy employees and all the usual cliches associated to offices like work timings, promotions, leaves and sleeping.


001.
At my annual appraisal at work, my boss commented you give 100 per cent commitment every week. I was really pleased until he continued "15% Monday, 20% Tuesday, 35% Wednesday, 25% Thursday and 5% Friday.


002.
My boss called me into his office the other day and asked why I had failed to finish a particular job on time. I said to him " You know where the train stops?"
"Yes the train station" he replied "And you know where the bus stops"?. "Yes " the bus station but I fail to see.... "Well" I interupted " You know I have a workstation ........
My boss told me the other day that I must love my work because he reckons that I can just sit looking at it for ages


003.
A Company director was giving a speech to thank Bert for his 38 years service. He said "Bert is a man who doesn't know the meaning of words like lunch break or impossible task. This is why we have all put in to buy him a dictionary as a
leaving present.


004.
Driving home one evening, my boss called me and informed me that he had
promoted me. The surprise caused me to swerve the car. A few minutes later, he
called again to say that he was making me vice-president of the company. The
shock caused me to swerve the car more than previously. A further five minutes
on, he calls me again to say that he wants me to become president. The shock
causes me to completely lose control of the car and I hit a lamp post.
When the police arrived and asked what caused the accident I replied "Don’t
know, I just careered off the road".


005.
My boss called me into his office the other day and asked me if I believed that
there was life after death.
I replied "Yes, I think that there is".
" I thought so " said my boss "Because yesterday, minutes after you took the
afternoon off to attend your Grandpa's funeral, he popped by to see you".

Miscellaneous Jokes

Miscellaneous Jokes are jokes which dont fall in any other category or belongs to muliple categories, but yet are humorous and funny to read.


001.
Billy was driving along a country lane the other day when a man in a car driving in the opposite direction wound his window down and shouted "Pig". Billy thought "How rude" just as his car hit the pig.


002.
The newscaster said on his final bulletin before retiring on T.V. last evening "The Prime Minister had a meeting with his new cabinet earlier today - before having an argument with a chest of drawers and a heated conversation with a bookcase


003.
Three old men climbed to the top of a ladder where they were met by a genie
who said "As you return back down , whatever you shout, you will land into".
First man goes " Beeeer" as he descends. "Braaandy" shouted the second man.
The third man quite excitedely shouted "Weeeeeeeeeeee".


004.
I went into our local music shop the other day and bought an expensive mouth organ.
The shop assistant commented "Do you know, we haven't sold any of these for months, and this is the second one I have sold today". "Oh" I replied " That would have been our Monica.


005.
A man meets a young boy in the park and asks him his name. The boy answers " seven and three quarters". Puzzled, the man asked why he had been given such an unusual name by his parents. The boy replied "Don't know, I think that they just plucked it out of a hat.

Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes are some of the funniest jokes about judges, criminals and petty thieves; some of these jokes are hilarious and take a dig at the system.



001.
My lawyer was trying to get me off a burglary charge. He told the judge " My
client inserted his arm through a window and removed some items. As his arm is
not his whole being, I submit that it would be wrong to punish the whole person
for a crime committed by a sole limb. The Judge replied " Okay - using that logic,
the defendant's arm is sentenced to 2 years in prison and can accompany the limb
if he chooses". So with the aid of my lawyer, I unscrewed my artificial arm,
placed it on the table and walked out of the courtroom.


002.
I went to my lawyer’s funeral last week and was amazed at the turnout. I asked a
man standing at the church " Do you know who all these people are?". "Yes"
replied the man "We are all former clients of his". "That’s nice that you all
wished to pay your last respects". "Not at all" said the man "We are here to make
sure that he's dead".


003.
A drunkard was in court and the judge said "You
have been brought here today
for drinking. Do you understand"? The drunkard replied "Fantastic, when do we
start?".


004.
Two friends were at the zoo and one said to the other "What does your Dad do
for work". He drives a coach. "What about yours?" asked the second boy in
return. "He's a lawyer" came the reply. "Honest" exclaimed the first boy "No,
he's like all the others" came the reply.


005.
I was in our local post office the other day and noticed a bald, middle aged man
in the corner putting Love stamps and hearts on loads of bright pink envelopes.
He then sprayed them with women's perfume. I was a little curious so asked him
what he was doing. He said " I'm sending 500 Valentine cards out all signed
"Guess who"? "Why are you doing that" I enquired. The man said "I'm a divorce
lawyer".

Jokes that are short, funny & hilarious

Jokes that are short, funny & hilarious


001.
Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it?
Answer: Lice


002.
Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!


003.
Why shouldn't you hold a DVD upside down?
Because the data might fall down.


004.
Santa to Banta: I don't have an internet connection at home. Can you please copy the internet on this pen drive for me?


005.
Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish?
Answer: Fry Day

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes will make you fall on the ground rolling with laughter and fun. These are short jokes which provide tiny bits of entertainment.


001.
Can you spell "COW" in thirteen letters??
Ans: "SEE O DOUBLE YOU..."


002.
Husband asks: Do u know the meaning of wife?
'Without Infomation Fighting Everytime'.
Wife on hearing replies,
It also means 'With Idiot For Ever'.


003.
Man:what s million years 2 u?
God:only a second.
Man:what s billion of Dollar 2 u?
God:only a Coin.
Man:k give me a Coin.
God:wait a second


004.
Teacher to student: When were you born?
Student: 14th April
Teacher: Which year?
Student: Every year.


005.
Question: What gives milk but has only one horn?
Answer: A Milk Van

Family Jokes

Family Jokes are funny instances and conversations that occur between family members and there are some well known cliches too.


001.
My cousin went into our local video shop again and asked "I want to take out Batman Forever".
The female assistant replied "Sorry, you have to return it by Wednesday".


002.
My father gave me sound advice when I was growing up. He told me to never
lend money from an optomist as they will expect you to pay them back.



003.
My father gave me some sound advice when I was growing up. He told me that I
should never hit someone with glasses. A baseball bat does the job much better.


004.
Mother telephones her son “Your sister gave birth last week but I don’t know if she had a girl or a boy so I can’t tell you yet whether you are an auntie or an uncle.


005.
Mother telephones her son Your Grandfather fell into a vat of brandy and drowned.
It took four days to cremate him”.

Dumb Jokes

Dumb Jokes are usually jokes about a set of people or two men who try to out-dumb eacher other with silly talk and actions.


001.
A man took his car to the garage for a repair as every time he turned a corner, he heard a loud clunking noise. The mechanic took out the car and tested it turning right then left and then right again. He returned to the garage and told the man he had fixed the noise. "What was the problem" asked the man. "Easy", replied the mechanic "It just needed that bowling bowl taking out of your boot."


002.
A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on the front
door. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he could supply him with
some food. The wealthy man said "I didn't become rich by giving stuff away for
free but I tell you what - if you go out the back and paint my porch, in return you
will receive a fine meal". After about twenty minutes, the tramp returns and
knocks at the front door and the owner says "Wow. Finished already. My that
was quick. Take a seat and my cook will bring you the food.
"Thanks" said the tramp "But you should know one thing - that's a BMW you
have out back, not a porch.


003.
Two men went out fishing one fine day in a rented boat. They caught an amazing
42 fish. " Let's come out again tomorrow but be sure to mark this great fishing
spot on the lake" said one of the men to the other.
The following day, they are on the way to pick up the boat and the same man asks
"Did you remember to mark that great fishing spot?"
The other man replied " Yes, I put a massive "X" underneath the boat".
"You silly fool" said the first guy "What happens if we are given a different boat
today?"


004.
A woman is talking to an operator at the exchange and says " I have been trying to ring 0800 1930 for several days now and cannot get through".
The operator asks "Where did you obtain this number?". "It was on the front door of the Travel Agency". "Ah" said the opreator " I think that you will find that that is their opening hours".


005.
My wife borrowed the car last week to go shopping and as she returned to the car, saw a young man driving off in our car. The policeman asked her if she could describe the
young man. "Not really" came the reply. " But I did manage to get the licence plate.

Animal Jokes

Animal Jokes are funny and crazy jokes about cats, cows, lions, tigers and vampire bats. These jokes about animals are sure to tickle your funny bones. Animal jokes also contain jokes about birds and insects.


001:
The bartender says, "No, we have cherries and grapes but no olives."
"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Five minutes later the duck returns and say to the same barman,
"Have you got any olives?"
"I told you before, we have cherries and grapes, but WE DON'T HAVE OLIVES!" says the barman.
"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Another five minutes later the duck comes back a third time and again asks, "Have you got any olives?"
"Look, " screams the barman. "For the last time WE HAVE NO OLIVES!, we will never have ANY OLIVES and if you ask me once more, I am going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!"
"Oh," said the duck and left. Five minutes later, the door opened and there was the duck. The barman is absolutely furious. He slams a bottle of beer on the bar, stares at the duck and screams:
"WHAT NOW???!!" "Uh...uh...have ...you ...got...any....NAILS?"
"Nails? Nails? No, we haven’t got any nails," answered the barman
"Okay," said the duck. "So, have you got any olives?"

Variety Jokes

Variety Jokes are those which don't fall in to any category or is a mixture of humor on various topics like lawyers, marriage and funny kis.


001.
Lady to butcher: Is that the biggest duck you have?
The butcher not wanting to lose a customer because of this said: No ma'am, we have another bigger one.
He went inside, took a pump and blew some air in the duck to make it look bigger. Then he gave it to the lady.
The lady said: Good, I will have both of them.


002.
Airhostess to old man: Don't worry sir; there is nothing to be afraid of.
Old man: Thanks, that relieves me; you know I haven't bought a ticket.


003.
Why are fishermen successful in business?
Because they make "net profits"


004.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: Now you sit still on that chair and don't shuffle about.


005.
Which book you cannot find in a library?
Cheque-books.

Poor Jokes

Poor Jokes are the silliest, dumbest and most stale jokes that you will ever hear; if you want your roommate to leave you alone, then start telling these jokes.


001.
How to prevent yourself from dying in your house?
Stay in the living room.


002.
What is the height of miser-liness?
A man who is so stingy that if he were a ghost, he wouldn't even give a fright.


003.
Man 1: My wife sent me a letter saying that she is 3 months pregnant now.
Man 2: That's good news.Celebrate!
Man 1: Well, I have been out of town for the past six months.


004.
Nurse: You need to take an urine test. You need to pass urine in that bottler under the table.
Patient: What, from here?!


005.
What did one telephone say to the other?
I got engaged a minute ago!

One Liners

One Liners are tiny bits of cracking jokes that are hilarious; just the perfect medicine for the otherwise monotonous days. One Liners are crazy, comical and yet funny.


001.
Dear teacher, please excuse me from being absent from January 1, 2010 to December 31, 2010.


002.
The person who can smile in a crisis is someone who has just remembered that
there is someone else to blame.

Many countries have gun controls. But none seem to have idiot controls?

Definition of Hospitality - To make your guests feel as though they were home even if that is where they really wished that they were.

If knowledge as some say is power and if power corrupts, does that mean if you
study really hard that you will be evil.

Why do buses seem to travel at twice the speed when wanting to catch one than
when you are actually riding one?

I read a strange verse in a card the other day. It read " It is so miserable here
without you it is as though you are still with me".

Motto of the Day - If at first you do not succeed, perhaps skydiving is not your ideal choice of pastime.

Hilarious Jokes

Hilarious Jokes are the best of the lot, cherry picked jokes that will leaving your stomach aching from laughing out loud. These hilarious jokes will make you forget the worries of everyday life and will give freedom from stress and tension.


001.
A signboard outside a restaurant said:

"Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill".

A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave the bill he pointed to the signboard, "Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill".

The waiter said, "Sir, this is not your bill. This is your grandfather's bill".


002.
An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said:

"May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college".

A young man opened the door and let him in.
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.

He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed.".

When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.

The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it".

The old man said, "And the same old story"!.

Irish Jokes

Irish Jokes are the classic jokes about people in Ireland which potray them in a stereotypical manner but yet are funny.


001.
Wife: My husband is a miracle worker.
Neighbourhood lady: Is he so good?
Wife: It's a miracle if he works.


002.
An Englishman and an Irishman were speaking sitting in a park bench when a horrible, ugly looking and nasty dog passed by.
The Irishman said: "I wonder what breed of dog that is".
Englishman: "It's a cross between a pig and an Irishman".
Irishman: "Well then, it's related to both of us".


003.
Mick: If you can guess the number of vodka bottles I have, I can give both of them to you.
Murphy: Four?


004.
Paddy and Murphy went to a bar and got drunk.
Paddy: Your glass is empty. Do you want another one?
Murphy: Why the hell would I want another empty glass.


005.
In a quiz competition in Ireland: Tell me your name and address.
Murphy: Pass

Thought of the day Jokes

Thought of the day jokes are just one line jokes which are full of irony and poke fun with ridiculous thoughts and assumptions.


001.
Are people who jump off bridges in Paris in seine?

Do backward poets write inverse?

Does reading when sunbathing make you well read?

Is the definition of a will a dead giveaway?

Is acupuncture a jab well done?

Insults

Insults are jokes aimed at poking fun at others and ridiculing them with perfectly timed witty replies and also counter attacks from the second person.


001.
Santa: Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?
Banta: No, tell me how?
Santa: I will tell you next week.


002.
Man 1: What type is your wife?
Man 2: She is the type of wife who knows what she wants till one of the neighborhood ladies gets it.


003.
Friend 1: Please stop telling everyone that I am a jerk.
Friend 2: Sorry, I didn't know that it was meant to be a secret.


004.
Neighbor 1: I think that it was the Smith's wedding anniversary yesterday.
Neighbor 2: How do you know that?
Neighbor 1: There was 2 minutes of silence in their house yesterday.


005.
Man 1: You remind me of a film star.
Man 2: Which one?
Man 1: The one in Planet of the apes

Golf Jokes

Golf Jokes are interesting jokes that are associated with the game of golf; however one would need to know atleast a bit about the game in order to get the essence of these jokes.


001.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts " Gee man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

Ghost Jokes

Ghost Jokes are about the lighter side of ghosts, vampires, draculas, demons and the like and are quite different.


001.
What do you call a ghost of someone who was a door to door salesperson?
A dead ringer


002.
What is a ghosts favourite dessert?
Ice scream


003.
Why is it that so few ghosts get arrested?
Because you can't pin anything on them.


004.
Question : Where are baby ghosts under 5 years old sent during the day?
Answer : Dayscare centres.


005.
What ride do ghosts favour at the funfair?
The roller ghoster, of course.

Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts

Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts is a collection of the latest amusing, hilarious and extremely funny facts about the one and only super hero Chuck Norris who once roundhouse kicked the Tsunami.


001.
Chuck Norris Awards goes to Oscar.

Twitter follows Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not tweet; he roars.

Once Chuck Norris was given a tickets for over speeding at 100 miles per hour... when walking.

Others can forward SMS text messages; Chuck Norris can rewind them.

When Chuck Norris dies, his tombstone won't say RIP. It will say BRB!

Alfred Nobel got nominated for the Chuck Norris Prize.

Chuck Norris knows Who Wants to be a millionaire.

Chuck Norris can make a phone call with his iPod.

Chuck Norris was playing baseball and he hit a home-run. The ball is now called as Pluto.

Facebook sent friend request to Chuck Norris.

Google gives zero results for "when will chuck norris lose"